i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
