i just google imaged poop.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
