i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
