I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
