Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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