He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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