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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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