Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
