Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
