where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
