You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
