How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
