um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You took a bar mat shot.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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