in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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