So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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