It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
