two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
