Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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