Where is the hickey?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
