brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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