I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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