Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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