return my video game
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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