I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
