i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
