I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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