Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
