Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im holly from the hills drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
