i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
