Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
