i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are we still banned from the library?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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