You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
