The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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