U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
