Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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