I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
