Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
