Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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