i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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