how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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