yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
