Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
