i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
