Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it hurts more in the daytime
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
