Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
