I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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