I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
