i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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