why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
