On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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