I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
