On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
