addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
