Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
