Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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