just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize