Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
