Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
