Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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