Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
