oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shame - the story of my life.
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