kristin has been a bad kristin
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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