Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
