i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize