Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
