So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
