What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
